Miami Vice

What happened to the “Vice” part? A globe-trotting duo in subdued clothes and improbably hairstyles does not a Miami Vice make. Pastels, collars above jackets, tieless shoes without socks – these things are coming back into style. How come they got left out? Who the hell wants to watch two plus hours of mullet boy whinging over a damned commie while goat-bearded boy mopes about his blown-up girlfriend? Since when do people just jet in and out of Havana? How did Russians, Chinese and fecking skinheads – skinheads! – manage to pull off such a complicated plot? More importantly, who cares?

F’ the 80s. They’re dead and good riddance. If you’re going to dredge up the well-buried past, at least have the good sense to run on pure nostalgia and don’t try to make those sorry times relevant to today.

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